Hi, my name is...

Few persons throughout history have been lucky enough to have their own announcer to give a proper personal introduction whenever they enter the room. Johnny Carson had Ed McMahon, Simon Cowell has Ryan Seacrest, and Slim Shady has Eminem... What? Those are the same person? Who's Marshall Mathers then? Oh, I see. Alright, let's strike that last example and move on.
Recently acquiring membership along with those sacred few in this ridiculously exclusive club is our very own Zach-o. His announcer, of course, is none other than little Ms. Amelia. The past several times people have stopped to comment how cute the both of them are, which happens a lot because, let's face it, it's completely true, Amelia immediately points at Zach and exclaims, "Zshaah" (which translates to Zach, for those of you who do not speak Babinese). On cue, Zach cracks his widest smile and waves at his adoring crowd to much ooh-ing and ahh-ing. Then the bystander inquires as to whether or not they are twins, to which I exclaim, "They are twins, but they were born five months apart." The person then slowly and inconspicuously sashays away with a polite but apprehensive smile.
Now, If I can just teach Zach a couple jokes, he can be promoted from appearing in the bloggity blog blog to late night TV. Zach could invite me on as a special guest. Well...guest, anyway.
Heard any good ones lately?

One More Thing

Every day is a new story. Just this morning, for instance, we almost missed Elijah's bus because we were so busy looking at a mole who has somehow managed to trap himself in an empty flowerpot. As I was maneuvering the double stroller around the all too prevalent clutter currently plaguing the valuable real estate of our garage, I could see Tikki Tavi sticking her paw into the pot and something screeching loudly every time she did. I investigated expecting to see a cicada, since they seem to fall out of the sky in large numbers and can't always seem to fly whenever they want to.

I called Elijah over to look at it, to which he exclaimed, "Hey that's pretty neat. We should let him go". All I could envision after Elijah's words were the lumpy dirt trails in random spirals decorating my front yard. This now leaves the seldom thought question, what do you do with the mole after you catch him, and in performing said action does one's moral character descend to depths lower than that of the mole they seek?

So after careful ponderation I decided to let the mole go...in case anyone should happen to ask.


Oh yeah, there's one more thing I almost forgot. Last Sunday we had a visit from hurricane Ike strengthened considerably by a simultaneously arriving cold front generating eighty mile per hours winds downing countless trees into roadways and crushing several houses in our neighborhood. Total chaos ensued after 80% of all traffic lights ceased to function within an hour time span with nary a warning of the windstorm's impending arrival. Power failed in almost four hundred thousand homes and businesses within the city limits. A large percentage of American Electric Power workers had already been dispatched to Texas to assist with the restoration efforts down there further complicating the recovery plan at home. Our electricity finally came back on yesterday evening after being without it for five days. For those of you wondering if I've moved out of Ohio and back to Florida, I haven't.

Have a high wattage weekend.

Possess(ed)ions

Part of my job as a stay at home dad and professional day care provider is to administer risk management for young beings who seem determined to seek out any and all risky activity. From jumping off the arm of the couch, to standing on the seat of the tricycle, Amelia and Zach are lucky that Mr. Steve has a strong heart and quick reflexes. With Zach getting his land legs about him, I have been especially mindful of his surroundings so as to avoid the falls which could leave a lasting impression, so to speak. A hazard that neither of us could have foreseen, though, was the rattle hoop bear Zach was carrying around the living room this morning. Anyone beholding of this benevolent little toy consisting of a fluffy little teddy clinging to a clear plastic loop with tiny balls inside would think it impossible to injure oneself upon. The bear's smile alone seems to say, "I'll be your bear-y best friend from birth to 18 months." That same cuddly bear showed its claws today.

Let me preface by saying that Zach is a very skilled walker and has taken great metaphoric leaps and bounds steadying himself on this big spinning hunk of rock we call Earth. The only difficulty he seems to face comes whenever he's compelled to make sudden sharp turns, which, at his age, turns out to be every minute or so. Such was the instance today as he was holding the aforementioned toy. As he was falling, his arm shot up to brace himself and the bear got sandwiched between poor Zach's cheek and the living room carpet. Elijah and Amelia immediately rushed to his aid rubbing his back and asking if he was alright; to which he replied he was.

One must always carefully consider their possessions that those things may eventually turn against them. Even in the 0-18mo appropriate range. Choose wisely, friends.

Fancifully fancy free weekend.

Hugs for thugs

Though certain to impact my popularity, I have no choice but to report on my observation that summer is slowly coming to a close.
The first irrefutable morsel of evidence showing autumn's arrival is the fact we are finally down to our last three zucchinis from the garden after an unsuccessful stab at making zucchini bread yesterday (quick tip for the bread baking challenged, when the recipe calls for a certain amount of zucchini, don't double it, unless, of course, you wish to have a cold, wet, loaf shaped slab of spongy sickly sweet vegetation; then, by all means, you may even triple it if you wish.)
Secondly but no less convincingly, as it seems to go every year around this time, my running routine has been canceled once again by the common conditions cursing those quick on their callouses. My bunion bones have grown bigger than babe the blue ox and my trick achilles tendon is hurting worse than Achilles's tendon.
It's time to kick up my dogs and give them a rest, while I sit down to write another edition of Mr. Steve's Daycare.

I've finally got the cuddly daughter I've always wanted, and no, I didn't trade Amelia in for a more snuggly model. It appears she is finally at a point in her life where her exploring bug can finally be satisfied long enough to want to give hugs to mom, dad, relatives and friends. She actually lays on the couch for minutes at a time with me these days. For some toddlers, a couple minutes wouldn't be a big deal, but for Amelia it is completely unheard of. Simultaneously, I've found that her big brother Elijah is starting to respect her space more and, just generally, her protection rights as a member of this family; though I'm sure the one development has nothing to do with the other.

In addition to her hugginess, Amelia seems to have an exponentially increased love of laughter and almost anything gets her going. Horsey rides, Elijah pursuits, and Zach chauffeurs are among her favorite things but she can even find humor in every day things like our dining room light's dimmer switch.

OK, I admit it. I find dimmer switches pretty cool, too.


Not to be outdone in the giving of affection department, Zach has been taking a lot more time out of his busy walking schedule for a caring embrace as well. Of course, he has always been a chummy little guy but now it seems his hugs are more out of friendliness than out of want for comfort: after he became a full time walker, he now feels like he is no longer in need of such a petty thing as a healing squeeze but still enjoys them from time to time for the sake of nostalgia. Fortunately, as his feet have steadied and the number of falls decreased, the need for healing squeezes has diminished significantly making the transition as smooth as these things may possibly go.

---------------------------

Over the weekend, Amelia approached me carrying Zach's stuffed animal duck saying, "Zach, Zach." She walked over to the stairs and began climbing. I followed close behind. When she made it to the top of the stairs she ran into mom and dad's room where Zach's pack n' play is normally set up. She looked around utterly distraught at the fact that neither the pack and play nor Zach were anywhere to be seen and started to cry. I explained to her that Zach stays home on the weekends and showed her where she could leave the duck on top of his folded up pack and play for Monday. She set down the duck and sadly walked back out the door.

It's easy to take the presence of others for granted sometimes and forget to do kind things such as bringing them their duck. Don't postpone the gesture. Give them that duck today.

Why you buggin?

Mary,Mary. Did you get anything to grow this crazy dry Ohio summer?

Well, there are no silver bells nor cockle shells, but there are some delicious yellow xitomatls that rank within the top three your humble narrator has ever eaten. Thanks to Jen donating a couple plants for our new (as of this year) garden, I have been able to cook up some family favorites including Mr. Steve's famous five/tenths alarm chili and, more recently, gazpacho. On top of that, there are still a bunch of tiny tomatitos growing for a plentiful harvest to come.

Zach helped me harvest a couple of ripe ones today we can use for lunch tomorrow. Hopefully, I can whip up something he and Amelia will like. They are both seasoned connoisseurs when it comes to tomato recipes who will only compliment the really tasty dishes; a bit like the judges panel on Iron Chef... well, all except for that one celebrity judge actress who thinks everything is "so good".

AT-ST version 2.0

As he looked down at the forest moon of Endor through his screen o vision 3000 from his battleship, the S.S. Decimator, Lieutenant Jim "funny helmet" Burke watched as the Ewoks jumped up and down, dancing the night away to some really horrible showtune-like music. He pondered deep about the only assignment ever given to him directly from commander Vader several days ago to formulate the logistics for defeating several hundred overgrown teddy bears with bad teeth. As soon as Vader had stepped away on that fateful day, Jim jabbed his buddy Ted in the ribs with his elbow and chuckled hysterically. "How easy is my job?", he commented as Ted shook his head in disbelief. Jim then rang his comrade Phil who worked at the armory on Endor telling him to get four AT-ST walkers and fifty storm troopers prepared for this "big" battle he had been charged with.
As we all know, the battle did not play out as Jim had planned. For one, the armor on the AT-ST's was too thin and, hence, easily crushed by two opposing battering rams on strings. Secondly, the AT-ST's were easily thrown off balance by just a few strategic logs rolling down a hillside. These were not the mighty machines he had long believed in.
A tear ran down his face as he personally bore full responsibility for the overthrow of the empire.

For the next couple of months, Jim could not sleep. He tossed and turned all night with visions of little fuzzy creatures shouting "jub-jub" in his face. He could only guess at what type of insult this was, but he was pretty sure the gist of the meaning was "wussy boy". Jim's fury grew.
Having had quite enough of his torment, he came up with a plan to put the empire back on top again, which would start with the defeat of those vile pint sized Wookiees. He set his screen o vision 3000 to peer long into the future, to a galaxy far far away seeking superior walkers of a more advanced technological age. His search ended as he found the distant planet Earth where there lived a sure footed creature named the Zachers. Jim's heart raced as he watched the Zachers negotiate difficult obstacles like the dolly pram of Mr. Steve's Daycare as well as the deep layers of mulch next to the monkey bars of Thompson park just down the street. "This little man is a thousand times more stable than the AT-ST walkers. I must have him." He shouted, his dialated pupils bearing a slight resemblance to Captain Ahab's whenever he spoke in reference to the famed white whale of lore.
Since Jim had several connections in his Facebook network with Klingons from Kronos, he decided to send out a batch IM to see if any one of them could lend him a long range time transporter so that he could acquire his secret weapon. A particularly nasty Klingon named Klackor, who shared the common goal of destroying anything good in the universe, agreed to allow Jim to borrow his. "Make sure you get it back to me by Saturday or my mom will kill me." Klackor warned; he was serious, too. His mom had a hair appointment on Sunday morning and tends to get quite violent in those few hours before church.
"No problem.", replied Jim. He would only need the device for one afternoon anyway.
After receiving the transporter from the UPS guy, he assembled it in the living room of the S.S. Decimator next to his Wii, focused the sights on Zachers, who was in the middle of his first naptime of the day, and pressed the "grab" button. Zachers whipped through space fast asleep completely unaware of what was happening around him, especially due to the fact that he had awoken at five AM that morning and would not let his mom, Jen, go back to sleep. He was truly exhausted.
When he finally arrived on the Decimator, Zachers was beginning to stir at the sound of Jim's uproarious laughter. He looked around a little confused, but, as he is pretty easy going, Zachers gave Jim a little smile as he rose to his feet.
"Zachers, I will now send you to the planet Endor to defeat the Ewoks. Do you hear me? Defeat the Ewoks!!!"
Zachers smiled again and nodded his head.
Jim pounded the controls of the transporter once more to beam Zach down to the forest moon, smack dab in the middle of Ewok territory, and he appeared among them with a tiny little pop. Somewhat startled by the sudden appearance of this superb walking machine, the Ewoks readied themselves with their ineffective little sticks and slingshots. Zachers walked over to a tiny warrior Ewok named Bob, moved his stick out of the way, and gave him a big long hug.
"Drat.", Jim quietly exclaimed and hit the reverse button on the transporter.

The Ewoks then played another ridiculously bad song in celebration.

The Maine Loon

Maine loons are very social creatures even to the extent of prizing close familial bonds over their own safety and well being. No matter how far apart the habitats they each respectively call home, loons always maintain an almost supernatural connection with their extended families. A little known fact about loons is their tendency to congregate at the lakes of their relatives for reunions during warm summer days. It is not uncommon to see large groups of loons swimming together in ponds of the desolate Maine wilderness on sunny Saturdays all the while catching up on old times in their unique way of speaking. In between swims, they feast on the local underwater fare until every last one of them is completely stuffed and cannot eat another bite. When the sun crawls over the mountains of the west giving its grand finale of orange fire sprawled across the evening sky, one can hear the loons late into the night laughing away, each trying to outdo each other with funny stories and amusing anecdotes. When the all together too short visit is over, they lovingly say farewell to their children, cousins, grand-kids, aunts, and uncles and assure them that it will not be such a long while before the next time they meet. As the loons from afar fly back to their homes, they reflect on the great time they had, how special their family is to them, and start planning when the next great get together will be.

Curiously, aquatic birds of an identical namesake exhibit similar behaviors.