One of the more difficult pills to swallow in the transition to stay-at-home-hood from bread winner is shifting the focus of your monetary worth to something considerably more abstract. Admittedly this is something I struggle with to this day, especially since, after Zach left, I am no longer a financial contributer to our family. Even though my salary as a home day care provider was less than one-sixth of my previous wages, I still retained the feeling of pouring something into the pot from my end rather than just syphoning it out. In these troubled times, being a spending non-earner feels, to put it bluntly, akin to the way a deer tick might feel were it to possess a conscience.
So, how then, you ask, do I justify sitting at home on my tokhes, doing only the things I love to do? Well, that's just it; I love to spend time with Amelia and there is no price tag you can put on that. You can't pay someone to love hanging out with your kids the same way that you can't buy your way into love. Now, don't get me wrong, there are wonderful day care providers out there who care deeply about the well being of all their students and give everything they can to provide all the necessary means for healthy child development, but there is truly no substitute for the bond a parent feels with their own child.
Alright, now that I've made all the working parents out there feel like crap (not intentionally, of course), I will attempt to make it up to you by offering my exciting conclusion of free style friday:
http://stevedaycare.blogspot.com/2008/08/fsf-i-iv.html (for those of you who have just tuned in)
The year following the insemination of Helen September was the most difficult ever endured by Adolphus: far more than the years he spent conjuring the idea of a horse he could one day give a name to. Nary a moment went by he was not under extreme duress pondering the possible and quite literal miscarriage of his dream. In that single year he had lost almost 27 kilograms from his already gaunt frame, giving the appearance of something undead, and were it not for Berndi forcing the occasional schnitzel on him, he may have very well become the opposite.
To remain close to his investment, Berndi allowed temporary lease of the small loft apartment above his garage. Adolphus would have just as gladly lived in the barn with Helen, sleeping on and eating from a mere pile of hay, just to be near when his foal arrived.
All day he would gaze at the beautiful mare the same way a child would contemplate the wonders of what lie within a large gift beneath a Christmas tree. As she would lazily graze the meadows of Helmut's 600 hectare ranch just outside Düsseldorf, Adolphus watched fondly, perpetually as her guardian, and, indeed, her best friend. Miraculously, the mare who could bear nothing of all prior pregnancies, carried her foal to full term without even the slightest hint of complication.
The night her labor began, Adolphus was convinced his heart would spontaneously cease to beat. The idea of giving birth was one so foreign and beyond his control, he could have waged war on the concept were it some type of physical entity. A scream welled just under the surface of the face held calm only by sheer will in an attempt to contribute serenity to the agitated mother obviously in a great deal of pain. After what seemed to be days of solitary anguish, the veterinarian arrived and reassured Adolphus that the delivery was progressing exactly how mother nature intended.
'Mother nature?', he thought. 'My mother never understood this dream of mine, could the mother of nature possibly be more understanding?' He hoped and, being a man of fair weather faith, prayed.
A bolt of lightning cut the dead calm of the night standing the hairs of all creatures for miles on end. Whether there had been any stormy weather previous to that burst of intense white, Adolphus could not have guessed. The thunder which followed, though, was the only sound he heard apart from the braying of Helen as she grew weary with fatigue. Then he saw it; the first gorgeous hoof of the beast that would soon be his.
"He is coming!", He shouted with infectious glee radiating from his face like ripples in a still pond at sunrise. "His hoof. Ah, both of them. Yes, there they are. His leg. Oh, look Berndi, there are his legs!"
Berndi placed his hand on the young man's shoulder. The thought of how much money he could be making eased slowly from his mind, now giving way to the obvious joy brought to this boy who had so very little.
Adolphus turned and put his twig-like arm around Berndi's rotund middle and began hopping up and down. "I can't wait to see his face."
Sooner than he expected, he got his wish. The horses snout appeared resting on its front legs, as if exhausted from the difficult journey both he and his master had just faced.
"OK, doctor, go in and get him!" He implored the veterinarian, who was standing at the other side of the stall observing the proceedings.
"I can't, Adolphus. It is up to her. She is a strong horse. It won't be long, I'm sure." But the vet was not sure. Had he been sure, it would not have taken the ten additional hours from when they first caught glimpse of the head. Adolphus must have asked the vet seventy times, to which every inquiry he replied, "Every horse is different, son. Some deliveries take longer than others. There is nothing to worry about."
Finally, and close to fainting with exhaustion, Adolphus met his horse in its entirety. The foal dropped into the straw and lay motionless like the wet sock of a giant.
"Get up. Please, get up.", he pleaded with the newborn, hands clenched tightly at his chest. "Please. This means everything to me."
The mare stood then turned to face her offspring. Her long tongue extended and began to polish its soaken black mane. Almost imperceptibly, the foal stirred and lifted its tiny snout to greet its mother.
As it righted itself to a kneeling position in the straw, Adolphus heaved a sigh of relief in finally receiving the fulfillment of a dream seventeen long years in the making. As tears streamed down his drawn but lively face, he whispered over and over, "My champion. My champion."
The three men stood in awe of the spectacle of birth, sure they had witnessed a miracle within a miracle, and watched as Helen bonded with her newborn. After cleansing his shiny coat, she nuzzled and nudged its hind quarters urging him to stand upon this earth on which she, herself, could so majestically trot.
Slowly and awkwardly he placed his wobbly legs before him and pulled himself to a stance. It was then the men realized that the legs beneath this animal were half the length, at most, of any other foal they had ever laid eyes upon.
The vet gasped and his jaw hung open like basking crocodile. Berndi turned to Adolphus with his hands in the air and shoulder locked in a tight shrug.
"Oh, my." Berndi stammered. "A-Adolphus. I- I am so sorry."
To which Adolphus smilingly replied, "He's perfect."
