Land of Candy

I want my money back. You should demand yours, too. That is, until Hasbro admits that the rules and regulations which govern the play of their flagship game, Candyland, are grossly incomplete when it comes to some of the issues which may arise while the game is in play.
It is common knowledge that the average age of a Candyland player is somewhere between two and four years, and a different set of rules needs to stand for this specific demographic.
I have compiled an list of proposed amendments to the rules, which I believe will help to clarify some of the more cryptic aspects of this very complicated game:

1. Contrary to popular belief, there is no actual candy anywhere in the box. The game pieces, cards, and game board should stay out of the mouth.
2. No matter how frustrating it may be, you must never tear up the Plumpy card, even if you draw it after having passed Queen Frostine. This rule applies to grandmothers, too.
3. You must only draw one card and move to the appropriate space according to color. Don't just keep drawing cards and then move your game piece to the end before your daddy even gets a turn.
4. Never place the game pieces between your toes and then flick them toward your little sister.
5. When you finish the game, it is imperative that you assist your father in cleaning up the cards which have miraculously spread themselves helter skelter across the living room floor.
6. Enjoy, my good friends, enjoy.

Lead Singer Wanted

Remember last spring when I told you about my plan to paint the house? Well, that didn't exactly happen on schedule. What I can say, though, is that a considerable amount of prep work was accomplished in the additional year of procrastination thanks to our old pals Mr. Golden Sun and Mrs. Arctic Wind. In fact, the paint of the entire east end of our house peeled away in one giant wall shaped sheet. The layered paint was so thick, I was able to lean it up against the garage and make a twelve foot quarter pipe skateboard ramp out of it. Now all the neighborhood kids have a place to shred without getting hassled by the man.

The thick paint, however useful it may be in creating the next site for the upcoming x-games, does stir up some concerns about the possibility of lead content, and since our home was built in an era when everything, including baby pacifiers, was made from lead, the possibility easily enters the realm of probability. Rats.

Having never scraped and sanded a house before, much less, one coated in a neurotoxin, I am feeling a little bit anxious about working the task with a two year old around. I want, more than anything, for someone to tell me I am being ridiculous about this and that lead paint is not nearly as bad as California seems to think it is.